three words: i give head
three words: not that well
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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