foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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