it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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