i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
