I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
