Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
