I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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