thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
