if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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