Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
