Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
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All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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