holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
