Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
