butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
