I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
