Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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