He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
