turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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