Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
