His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
