All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
