lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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