Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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