3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
All I want is dick and wine.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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