Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
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I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
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You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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