at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You are a genius and a whore.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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