How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
