She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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