Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
