Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
