Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
