You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
