I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
