she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you mean i was at the winter classic?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
