no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
