Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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