Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
