if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
