I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
