hotel room ftw
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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