Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
