Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
