awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
