you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
