Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
