Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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