before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
