By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
This house was built for laser tag.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
