We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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