Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
