made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
NoShamevember. You game?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
