when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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