I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
