i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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