he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
