Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
