Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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