if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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