Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
