she woke up with a sticky ear
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
