rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
