I accidentally had phone sex last night
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
