Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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