Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
