this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
