Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
