I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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