Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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