Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
