Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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