Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
